Lemme tell you a few things about who you’re here to hear A couple of ascertainable facts that have been verified, certified, and sealed with approval By no lesser authority than the Fraternal Organization of Guarantees, Warranties, Rubber Stamps, and Green Lights Of which the Guinness Book of World Records and the Office of Weights and Measures Both are subsidiaries He speaks six languages fluently and can get into fights in thirty more He’s been the best man at the weddings of ten senators and a dozen Grand Viziers Only six of which ended in divorce and one of ‘em in arbitration He’s swaggered through more saloon doors than John Wayne Tuned Woody Guthrie’s guitar and taught him to croon Was an underwriter in the selling of Robert Johnson’s soul Which he won back playin’ poker with the Devil’s mother-in-law He got the Good Lord drunk and made him write a new book for the Bible The Book of Ambulations, Perambulations, and Scootin’ Round Town The alpha and omega of which is just “yep” He’s camped with hobos, learned their signs Made up a couple himself, which were subsequently adopted into the lexicon Of vagrants, ragamuffins, and the generally destitute He’s slept in the mayor’s guest room and the dumpster behind the pool hall Seen sunrises over Bogotá and sunsets from the Rockies, Had a buffalo for a pal and taught love songs to chickadees Yessiree, he’s the real McCoy, the big man on campus, The unchronicled legend Who’s done more to boost the reputation of the City of St. Paul Than Paul Bunyan, Paul Revere, and Paul of Tarsus rolled into one... He’s the one The only The exceptional The here-today-gone-tomorrow The not-to-be-missed The chap-in-the-hat.... Townhouse Woods.

I went to the doctor and the doctor said, "All the pills in the world could not fix your head" I went to my woman, my woman she said, "I'm leavin' you, boy, leavin' you for dead" I went to the preacher and the preacher said, "You're gonna burn, my son, for what you did"

Ain't gonna say I miss you Cause that'd be a lie But that don't mean I don't think of you at night When that song gets stuck inside my head, like "Ooo" You say I've had enough whiskey So pass me up a beer Come tomorrow You know you'll find me here I'll be singing my songs and carrying on like "Ooo" It's been said before, but I'll say it again--can't no one outrun time And you know all my favorite singers have stolen all of my best lines about moving on Moving on So I'll cut my losses And I'll cut my ties I'll keep these wins Buried deep Down inside Keep starting them fires I'm liable to get burned But the hard way Is the only way I learn It's just a game to watch the flames Burn through Say goodbye to Blakeslee Just pack it up and go And they'll replace me And lord, it won't be slow Let's lose the old and grab ahold The new It's been said before but I'll say it again--hey, nothing beats straight cash, homey And money's got a funny way of turning treasures into trash and we all move on We're moving on Chorus It seems we're lost at sea again And there's no going back I swear I know Where I wanna go But I've never Had a map Chorus

I been wandering through these hills And I ain't got no more pills And the mean old wind won't blow no luck my way And the world has made me strong But it can't contain me long For I got a mind to make these bastards pay Don't you come 'round throwing lead 'Less your wish is to get dead 'Cause the iron on my hip don't tell no lies Oh and God can't save you here He moved back east last year Yeah the dust will swallow up your mournful cries This here is hard country If you don't take these words to heart You'll find your share of teachers Give you some lessons 'round these parts I tell ya know amount of rye Gonna justify your lies I can see right through you and that glass you pour We can settle this like men Bring these troubles to an end And I can learn ya to keep your eyes off what ain't yours Chorus You say the town you're in can't hold ya Come on out to Canistota Yeah, the long arms of the law don't reach us here And if you really wanna try me At the U-Bar Inn you'll find me Room 11, just me and my six-gun, we're drinking beer Chorus

What made you mad enough to stray? Why weren't you man enough to stay? Thief in the night pulls the rug out from under the feet Of my world For a few brief moments everything disappears Under those flashing reds & blues You teach us all just how to lose Cackle and scoff as a woman steps onto her porch And screams For a few brief moments everything disappears Who is the victim here? I saw that blank frozen stare Soul made of empty cans and air Refusing every instance when somebody offers out a hand Longing for a few brief moments when it all disappears Who is the victim here?

Sometimes in this life Pain and trouble find me The world ain't always nice And folks don't act too kindly I wouldn't say I'm hopeless Or gloomy or downhearted But I can't seem to suppress Bad thoughts once they've started But I've found I have found That when you sing When you sing I feel a little bit closer to everything That is good in the world Winter shakes my bones And gives my soul a chill This Minnesota cold I've already had my fill So let's just stay inside Maybe you can play piano We'll sing songs through the night And let them chilly winds blow as they will As they will 'Cause when you sing When you sing I feel the warmth Of the coming spring And all is right with the world In heaven up above The angel band and choir Play their songs of love For those who have expired Behind them pearly gates The streets are paved with gold And everyone's in a state Of permanent joy, I'm told Not concerned With our world But when you sing When you sing All of them angels quit their trumpeting And even God turns an ear

Sami Jo, I love her so But we may never be together Sami Jo, I love her so I will wait for her forever I was seventeen She came upon the scene She stood out from all the others Before the day was done I told everyone, "I'm gonna make Sami Jo my lover" Chorus Now high school's done Graduation has come And there's one true thing that I know No matter where I'll be I shall never see Another girl like Sami Jo Chorus Driving through her town Hoping she's around I miss her angel face Lord, bring her back to me That is my only plea I'll give up my hopeless chase Chorus Oh I know she's not true But hey, what can I do? I just cannot let this go If she should call on me Well I can guarantee I'll run to my Sami Jo Chorus

One September morning Colder than it should be Autumn winds are a-blowing I'm waiting so restlessly Frost covers my windows Pretty girl on my mind I'll soon be with her, though Only to tell her goodbye One October morning So long I've been so withdrawn Here it's already snowing Pack up my things and I'm gone She is no longer with me And I shall see her no more Sorrow, it overtakes me Reaches right down to the core But when she was mine, the stars all shined brighter And when she was mine, my worries weighed lighter When she was mine, when she was mine My world felt righter One November morning She wakes me up with her call How could something so lovely Turn out to be my downfall Never did see it coming She says she still cares for me Right now all that I'm knowing She wants me to set her free Chorus One December morning Twelve weeks since I last held her To this love I'm still clinging I just wish I could tell her When I think of Wyoming I cannot help but to cry For the girl that I left there And the way she changed my life Chorus One September morning Pretty girl on my mind I'll soon be with her, though Only to tell her goodbye